The best quotes of CSI team

Lt. Horatio Caine
Horatio Caine

Suspect:You won't be able to prove a thing

Haratio:That is a really dumb thing to say to a CSI.

Honey Girl:Some guys like to lick it off.

Horatio:Really? I prefer to swab myself

Megan:You okay
Horatio:Yeah, I'm fine. (Puts the ring into the envelope.)
Megan: Horatio, What are you doing?
Horatio:I'm giving Al's wife his wedding ring back.
Megan: That's evidence.
Horatio: I know that.
Megan: You can't just give it away.
Horatio: I'm not giving it away. I'm giving it back.
(From season 1 episode 4 "Losing Face")

Megan: Who would want to kill a priest?
Horatio: Nowadays Anyone.
(From season 1 episode 5 "Ashes to Ashes")

Horatio: Before you go. I wanted to show you a photograph. Take a look at that. Do you know who that is? That's your daughter. This is what she would have looked like on her second birthday had you not killed her and her mother. Every year on this child's birthday. I am going to haunt you. I am going to be all over you until I get what I need to put you in jail. Understand?
(From season 1 episode 5 "Ashes to Ashes")

Reporter: Lieutenant Caine, is it true she was raped? Is there any indication that the killer will strike again?
Horatio: I'm not gonna comment on evidence but what I will say is that this animal has provided us with a moutain of evidence and we will not sleep 'till we've been all the way through it. Because we know, beneath that mountain, lies his grave.
(From season1 episode6 "Broken")

Horatio: Your average adult has been clocked at two-and-a-half to three miles per hour, but to my knowledge, no toddler has ever been road-tested.
(season 1 episode 8 "Slaughterhouse")

Show girl: What can I do for you, slugger?
(Horatio gives her the money.)
Show girl: Well, what do you want for this?
Horatio: I want you to take the day off.
Show girl: Yeah? What about tomorrow?
Horatio: Tomorrow's what you make of it.
(From season1 episode16 "Evidence of Things Unseen")

Horatio: Everything okay?
Calleigh: Yeah, it's fine.
Horatio: You sure?
Calleigh: Sometimes it's difficult to have family.
Horatio: Sometimes it's more difficult not to.
(From season1 episode19 "Double Cap")

Fugitive: Why didn't you let me die?
Horatio: Because you died a long time ago, Stewart.
Yelina: Stewart Otis, you're under arrest for the attempted murder of Emma Kaye.
Fugitive: I will get out. It's my nature.
Horatio: And I'll be waiting. That's my nature.
(From season1 episode24 "Body Count")

Ramon Cruzo: Lieutenant, I understand this is upsetting, Let me say on behalf of my family, I am sorry about this girl.
Horatio: You own business here. You enjoy the freedom that this country affords. Your brother is an all American playboy until he gets in trouble, and then he is suddenly a Baraccan Prince. You tell your family on behalf of that girl laying in the morgue, apology is not accepted.
(From season2 episode1 "Blood Brothers")

Eric: Why would Ricky's attorney hand us the murder weapon?
Horatio: 'Cause Ricky's got a smart attoney and he knows we're looking at his client.
Tim: He tried to get ahead of us.
Horatio: So now, let's get ahead of him.
(From season2 episode5 " The Best Defense")

Bad guy(Ricky): My family's gonna pay for the best legal defense you've ever come up against, and when this is all over, I'm still gonna open my club and Aaron's still gonna be my lawyer. You know why? Because the best defense is money.
Horatio: Ricky, the best defense is an honest life.
(From season2 episode5 "The Best Defense")

Det. Tripp: Two bodies and the wave hasn’t even hit yet.
Horatio: Well evacuations tend to make people crazy Frank.
(season 3 episode 7 "Crime Wave")

Horatio: Do I detect a personal concern Rick?
Rick Stetler: The Department is feeling very exposed.
Horatio: Oh so we're back to reality.
(season 6 episode 2" Cyber-lebrity")

Horatio: Mr. Wolfe, at the end of the day if we don't hang together, we'll die alone.
(season 6 episode 6 " Sun Block")

The best quotes of CSI team - CSI Miami
Calleigh Duquesne
Calleigh: Wait a minute Ya'll! Ya'll acting like this is normal this is someones hand!!
Alex: You pick up dead bodies everyday Calleigh
Calleigh:Yeah but I dont microwave them and it kind of freaks me out that Ya'll have
(eric and Alexx look at her funny)
Calleigh: theres a first time for everything

Bad guy: That's a good story. I enjoyed that. But you forgot one thing. I'm a lawyer. A damn good one.
Calleigh: Well, you know what you're right. I did forget one thing. Michelle's blood wasn't the only one we found on the ring. Benito Ramon's was there as well.
Eric: And cremated ash, and the chances of that happening to anyone but the murderer are about a million to one.
Calleigh: You may be a lawyer, but I'm a CSI. A damn good one.
(From season1 episode14 "Forced Entry")

Calleigh: You wanna call a family member?
Hunter: Shula(a dog) is my family. You probably think I'm crazy, don't you?
Calleigh: No. I'd never underestimate the love of a southern man for his dog.
(From season2 episode14 "Slow Burn")

Calleigh: Will you come with me to the hospital.
Ana(spanish girl): I don't have papers.
Calleigh:Ana, even if you aren't documented, you're a human being and you have rights, And I will go with you
(From season2 episode20 "The Oath")

Bad Guy: She stabbed me.
Calleigh: Well, see, the interesting thing about these two crimes is that I've enough on you for aggravated battery. But for her, just self-defense. Cuff him.
(The police cuffs him)
Bad Guy: Are you out of your mind? She's not even American. What kind of system is this?
Calleigh: I guess you're about to find out.
(From season2 episode20 "The Oath)

Wendy Legassic: I'm not a monster, officer. I just wanted to get out of the obituary business.
Calleigh: You thought the recording would make you a reporter at WETX. I've got an exclusive for you Wendy. That tape is never gonna make it to TV. A judge has issued a warrant, I'm confiscating it, and I'm arresting you for obstruction of justice. Your journalism career died with Doug McClain. You can write an obituary for it.
(season 6 episode 5 " Deep Freeze")

Rick: Blood alcohol of 0.04.
Calleigh: That's under the legal limit.
Rick: Yes, but alcohol dissipates at 0.5 ounces per hour, so the question becomes what was this number during the incident? You couldn't provide a description of the suspect.
Calleigh: He was carrying a Smith and Wesson .459, wood grain grip with an adjustable rear sight at my head, Rick! If my judgement had been impaired I wouldn't be here now, I'd be dead!
(season 6 episode 9 "Stand your Ground")

Khandi Alexander Photos - CSI Miami
Alexx Woods
(Not on show anymore)

Alexx: You sure know how to brighten up a girl's day, don't you?
Horatio: I've got nothing, Alexx. I need an I.D. on the father.
Alexx:Well, your best shot for a match on CODIS is if his DNA had unique characteristics.
Horatio: Are you ready for this?
Alexx: Fetal tissue recovery is the one thing I'm never ready for.
(From season1 episode5 "Ashes to Ashes")

Calleigh: Alexx, there's something else that I think you oughta know. This killing has the marks of an acquaintance murder. There was a faked robbery and a bullet to the heart. That sort of a thing.
(Alex looks at her friend's wound.)
Alexx: Oh, it's got to be a random. Dennis wouldn't get caught up in something like...Listen to me. Like every victim's friend comes down here. Thinking I know somebody, what they'd be caught up in. Truth is, nobody really knows anyone.
(From season1 episode23 "Freaks and Tweaks")

Glenn: I got two ex-wives and three kids. How do you suggest I make those monthly payments on a straight salary?
Alexx: Well, I suggest Glenn, you worry less about alimony and more about the victim.
(From season2 episode11 "Complications")

Alexx: (to Calleigh) Honey, vics don’t stand still while they’re being stabbed.
(season 3 episode 6 " Hell Night")

Calleigh: Hey Alexx I need an unbiased opinion.
Alexx: Ja! Ja!, people only say that when they already know the answer and they're shopping for someone to agree with them.
Calleigh: You are very smart.
Alexx: That much I know honey.
(season 3 episode 10 " After the Fall")

Alexx: This man didn't fall, someone fell on him.
Det. Salas: All right, so where's the guy who crushed him?
Alexx: You don't fall three stories to get up and run away.
Horatio: If you do, you've got something to hide.
( season 3 episode 10 "After the Fall")

Alexx: He chose to drink and drive, so you remember Glen Monroe (the victim) and deal with your problem before you make it mine.
( season 3 episode 11 "Addiction")

Calleigh: You know I'm not supposed to be down here.
Alexx: Calleigh, honey, they said you couldn't work the field. Does this look like the field to you, baby?
(season 6 episode 9 "Stand your Ground")

The best quotes of CSI team - CSI Miami
Eric Delko
Calleigh: Do you think the parents have any idea that they’re paying for their kids to have sex with teachers and buy their grades?
Eric: I don’t know, but it makes me realize what an angel I was.
( season 3 episode 4 "Murder in a Flash")
Eric: You know, you want any real attention in this world you gotta have blond hair and blue eyes. No offense.
(Eric looks at Calleigh.)
Calleigh: Non taken. My eyes are green.
Eric: I'm just mad that we couldn't save her.
Calleigh: Let's go get this guy.
(From season2 episode4 "Death Grip")

Rick: So, you didn't witness the actions that resulted in Mr.Ramsey having a dislocated shoulder?
Eric: I didn't see him do anything to his shoulder.
Rick:So he assaulted Ramsey before you get there.
Eric: There was no assaulted on the part of Lieutenant Caine.
Rick: As far as you know.
Eric: Yes, as far as I know.
(Rick stops the tape recoder)
Rick: He trained you well.
Eric: Trained me to tell the truth.
(From season3 episode10 "After the Fall")

Calleigh: What are the first 40 pages about?
Delko: Kid gets a job at a restaurant washing dishes, he insults some big mob boss who then decides to take him under his wing.
Calleigh: Is that it?
Delko: Life's too short, I'm gonna spare you the rest.
(season 4 episode 14 "Fade Out")

Calleigh: Can you imagine raising a family without any help? I mean, you know, given the hours we work.
Eric: Yeah, I could, definitely.
Calleigh: Really?
Eric: Yeah. Why, you don't think I'd be a good dad?
Calleigh: No, I think you'd be a great dad. I just never heard you mention having children before.
Eric: Well, maybe when I find the… the right girl.
(season 6 episode 10 "CSI:My Nanny")

Tim Speedle
Tim Speedle
(He died in the line of duty)

Party Hoster: Hey buddy! You wanna get this moving? You're in my area.
Tim: Your what?
Party Hoster: We're hosting a big event for the Greeks. Part of our Spring Break Marketing package.
Tim: Sir, can you read the yellow tape right there, it says, Crime Scene?
Party Hoster: Hey,I got a permit to be here.
Tim: Oh... you got a permit.
Party Hoster: Yeah, that's right.
(Tim gets the phone out of his pocket)
Tim: I'm gonna let you tell that to the family of the girl that got murdered here last night.
Party Hoster: Hold on...
Tim: I'm gonna let you tell them that we can't process this crime scene because you have a permit for a party.
Party Hoster: You misunderstand, man...
Tim: Then I'm gonna arrest your cheap Tequila-pushing ass and have you spend the night in lockup with all the drunks and disorders and you can smell the vomit of the fraternity boys.
(From season1 episode21 "Spring Break")

Bad Guy: You know what, Jack? I'm sorry, but that's information I can't reveal. You know, private issues.
Tim:There's nothing private about murder, so I'm gonna need your whole clientele list.
(From season2 episode9 "Bait")

Tim: Well, there's not much up here.
Calleigh: Well, you know what the text books say, if you can't place the suspect at the crime scene.
Tim: You place the crime scene on the suspect.
(From season2 episode10 "Extreme")

The best quotes of CSI team - CSI Miami
Ryan Wolfe

Calleigh: You're crazy, you know that?
Ryan: What? For taking the initiative?
Calleigh: You could have been gator bait on your first day.
Ryan: I sacrificed my lunch, please remember that.
(season 3 episode 3 "Under the Influence")

Calleigh: Do you think the parents have any idea that they’re paying for their kids to have sex with teachers and buy their grades?
Ryan: I don’t know, but it makes me realize what an angel I was.
( season 3 episode 4 "Murder in a Flash")

Ryan: Alexx... he doesn't have a head. Where did the head go?
(Alexx points towards a boiling pot)
Alexx: I'm processing it.
Ryan: You're boiling it.
(season 3 episode 7" Speed Kills")

Wolfe: Are those rolling papers?
Delko: They're not mine. Someone must have borrowed my kit.
Wolfe: (snide) We've really gotta crack down on the pot smoking kit thieves around here.
(season 4 episode 5 " Three Way")

Ryan: Oh, there he is, nice of you to show up.
Eric: What's your problem, Wolfe?
Ryan: Must be nice working on Delko Time. Cherry-pick cases, show up when you want.
(season 4 episode 8 " Nailed")

Cooper: Did you see Delko's sister in the lobby?
Wolfe: No.
Cooper: I think she's in trouble again.
Wolfe: Well I think she needs.
Cooper: Leukemia... Worst kind of cancer.
Wolfe: Keep searching.
Cooper: Don't tell anyone this, but I think she's got a thing for H.
Wolfe: Cooper, are you writing a blog? I've got a suspect on ice!
(season 4 episode 12 " The Score")

Wolfe: I liked your Erika Sykes exclusive about finding Rowe's weights.
Delko: I didn't say any of that to her, she made it all up.
Wolfe: Huh, where have I heard that before? Oh that's right, I've said the same thing.
Delko: Give it a rest, Wolfe.
Wolfe: Equal time, bro. Equal time
(season 4 episode 18 "Double Jeopardy")

Ryan:( to Calleigh and Delko ) Wow! So, it takes two CSIs to process someone these days. You guys must be more desperate to get me back than I thought.
(season 6 episode 2 "Cyber-lebrity")

Natalia: Hm, seems the fragment that Alexx pulled from Vanessa Waters' chest is comprised of zirconium dioxide.
Ryan: What? There's ceramic in her wounds? How is that possible - she was stabbed.
Natalia: Exactly, but I think I know by what. I have one in my own kitchen. A ceramic knife.
Ryan: (looking confused) Yeah, so? I'm more of a drive through type of guy.
(season 6 episode 10 "CSI:My Nanny")

The best quotes of CSI team - CSI Miami
Natalia Boa Vista

Natalia: I haven't been here that long but he seems like a good criminalist, who cares if he likes the media.
Eric: the media can ruin a case.
Natalia: I heard she helped you out on that Mala Noche thing.
Natalia: you know you got some trust issues.
(season 4 episode 5 "Three-Way")

Natalia : You know, I spend every waking hour knee-deep in lab reports and evidence logs and analyzing DNA from hundreds of different cases. Feds like to see results. So if that means that the future of this grant depends on me making a couple of public appearances, I'm gonna do it."
(season 4 episode 11 "Payback")

Natalia: I'm late
Eric: For what?
Natalia: I'm late!
Eric: Oh my god.
(season 4 episode 15 "Skeletons")

Calleigh:What's going on
Natalia: its not good
Calleigh:you wanna talk about it
Natalia: I'm terrified of him, Calleigh, and he's capable of anything, and you know whats even crazier, its that my therapist think this is some kind of suppress attraction.
Calleigh:What do you think it is?
Natalia: I dont know but i just wanna kill him
Calleigh: I can understand that, but you may not want to say it out loud
Natalia:Thats good advice.
(season 5 episode 4 " If looks could kill")

Horatio: Miss Boa Vista, are you okay?
Natalia: I've never been first on the scene before, you know, without Alexx. Just… it's weird. I feel like he was trying to talk to me, trying to tell me what happened.
Horatio: He is trying to talk to us. And we… are listening.
(season 6 episode 8 "Permanent Vacation")

The best quotes of CSI team - CSI Miami
Sgt. Frank Tripp

Frank: Where's your wristband?
Cyrus Everton: I lost it.
Frank: Do I have "stupid" written all over my bald head?
(season 3 episode 16 " Nothing to Lose")

Frank: Okay, see, here's what I don't get - you're getting ready to jump in bed and you're looking for a closet?
Todd Manning: This jacket cost fifteen hundred bucks!
Frank: Well who the hell worries about a jacket when you're getting ready to get in somebody's pants?
(season 4 episode 12 "The Score")

Frank:(to Jake) dont be as dumb as you look.
(season 6 episode 1 "Dangerous Son")

Frank: (to Danny) The police report said you left the keys in the ignition outside the bank - did you leave your brain in the glove compartment, too? I mean, who does that?
(season 4 episode 20 "Free Fall")

Frank: (about the eclipse affecting people) It is what it is, it ain't what it ain't, don't make it what it isn't.
Natalia: Okay.
(season 6 episode 6 "Sun block")

Ryan: (walking into the prison visiting area) Please tell me there's a good reason you dragged me into this charming little establishment.
Frank: Besides the amazing joy I get from knowing you've been inconvenienced, I need you to do something for me.
Ryan: And what is that?
Frank: We need to find out who LeBrocks giving orders to on the outside. Maybe he had one of his goons kill his wife for him. I've been checking the jail's visitation log.
Ryan: Okay, so you need help reading.
Frank: That's cute. Besides from Alishia, he's had only one visitor which is a guy named Scott Garnett.
Ryan: Okay, so why exactly do you need me to be here?
Frank: Scott Garnett doesn't exist. The address and phone he left were fake. Now he met LeBrock here shortly after Alishia left, so I need you, my favourite dust monkey to lift prints of visitor stall number four.
Ryan: Yeah, but there is going to be dozens of prints over there.
Frank: Yeah, means you better get busy.
Frank leaves Ryan alone with a big grin on his face
(season 6 episode 7 " Chain Reaction")

Frank: (To suspect) Are you stuck on Stupid?

Frank: (After finding a gun in a filing cabnet) 9 mill. filed under "S" for stupid

Ryan: (about Powell suppressing evidence) Man, that guy can get Hitler on probation.
(season 7 episode 15 "Presumed Guilty")

Calleigh: (hinting at her relationship with Eric) Well, I got this new diversion. He's really cute. He's about this tall, wearing a white shirt..."
(season 7 episode 22 "Dead on Arrival)

Walter: "You sure your okay?"
Frank: "I will people stop asking."
(season 9 episode 22 "Mayday")

Walter Simmons
Walter Simmons: Get out of here, before we arrest you for extreme stupidity.
"Caged" (9.19)

Ryan: What do you got?
Walter: Possible skull fragment.
(Ryan picks it up and looks at it)
Ryan: Walter, this is a turtle shell.
Walter: Turtle shell?
Ryan: Yeah, this is a turtle shell... Those are your shoes... That's the sky...
Walter: (embarrassed) Okay, okay, go back to your quadrant.
"Bone Voyage" (9.07)

[while searching for evidence, Ryan and Walter come face to face with a brown bear]
Ryan Wolfe: You need to make yourself small and non threatening
Walter Simmons: I *can't* make myself small and non threatening!
Ryan Wolfe: Well, then, you just need to outrun the bear
Walter Simmons: I don
't need to outrun the bear - I just need to outrun you!
"Bone Voyage" (9.07)

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